Parshat Ki Tissa: Beyond the Golden Calf

This week's  parashah Ki Tissa (Shemot/Exodus 30:11-34:35) includes the all-too-familiar narrative of the Golden Calf. After Moses smashes the Tablets of the Ten Commandments and destroys the Calf, Moses ascends Mt. Sinai for a second time in order to receive a new set of tablets from God.

While on the mountain, Moses experiences what we might call a crisis of faith.  He tells God in no uncertain terms that God must be in the lead as they commence their journey.  In addition, Moses implores God to be able to see God’s “face” – to know God’s true essence.  Moses tells God that he cannot continue to lead the people if God does not meet his demands (my words, not the Torah’s).

God tells Moses that no one can see the Divine Face and live.  Instead, God places Moses in the cleft of a rock and allows the Divine Glory to “pass” Moses.  As God passes, God proclaims what we refer to as the 13 attributes of God, including God’s mercy and compassion, as well as God’s justice and anger.  When Moses looks up, he is only able to see God’s “back,” or the result of God’s presence in the world. 

This is enough for Moses and he is prepared to write a new set of tablets, return to the people and continue the journey.  This is a poetic commentary based on that experience.

Brokenness to Wholeness

I need certainty

     I need  you with me

each moment

 I need to know you

 now

I   we  cannot

go on without knowing

     you are with us  leading

I cannot

we cannot

I stop   listen  hear

 your reply to me   us

 I am here    you say

you  are  my   people

you  are special

continue

 on your journey

 I will be with you

 I hear

 I believe

 yet I don’t

 II.

you know me

 you know us

 by name

but  I    we

 know nothing of you

 please I implore    beg   plead

show me     you

 let me experience

 all of you

 you respond

I cannot  see your face

  only your back

    no

this is not enough

I want   need   insist on

    certainty

for me to lead the people

 into the unknown

 to heal the wounds

 make whole the broken

after the tragedy

 I must know you beyond seeing

        I need to know not just your name

but the essence of your being

 you say

 I will die if I see you

 I believe I am lost

if I do not

experience more

 I hear God’s reply

       silence

  III.

 I carve the tablets

     again

 waiting for you

 I climb the mountain

 still    wanting       waiting    needing

more than I know

 you will ever  give

suddenly all is darkness

I hear your voice

I feel your love    compassion    anger

    everything that is your essence

 in that moment      I know

 deep  within   my   soul

 you shall forgive  punish  absolve  blame

        all

my eyes see nothing

   my soul sees everything

        knowing we shall all

             be healed

 through your compassion

          justice         mercy

bringing the people together

     bringing  me  closer

           to   you

 always here with us

       within us

 my eyes suddenly open

 I see the new tablets

 carved by my hands

     awaiting your words

 whole    unbroken 

     a shining remembrance

       of your compassion

          the other tablets

a shattered remembrance

   of what was

      what the people did

 placed  side by side

 inextricable link   lifechain   

from brokenness to wholeness

 and back

 neverending cycle

returning us to you

   always with us

leading each of us

 each moment

we must stop

pay attention

   look within

I   know  now

no longer doubting

this is the truth

I no longer need 

  to see your face

 in order to find   certainty

   I am  content    whole

 I am ready

   to move on

securely

into the unknown

that you will make known

in your time