Parshat Be'Midbar: Sound and Silence

The name of this week's parashah/portion, and the fourth book of the Torah, is Be'midbar which means "in the wilderness"  (Be’midbar /Numbers 1:1 - 4:20).

A rabbinic commentary points out that if we change one vowel in the name of the parashah,  the word במדבר  be’midbar, in the wilderness, becomes be'midabeיr, or with one who is speaking.

I found this ironic, since the wilderness is usually associated with silence and solitude. However, we can imagine that the wilderness of Sinai and its surroundings must have been anything but silent, with the multitudes of Israelites and others wandering through it for 40 years.

However, we all know that even in the midst of a cacophony one can experience silence, just as one can experience deafening noise while walking in solitude.  What determines the silence or the solitude is not one’s physical surroundings, but one’s inner state.

This poem uses the two different readings of the letters מדבר mentioned above to explore these various images.  (Note: I first published this poem a few years back, but this is a newly edited version)

the wilderness of silent speech

 

wilderness

silent    still   serene

filled only with sounds  of nature

wind rustling   brush blowing  sand      

animal footfalls   howls in the night

all whisper the truth     of creation   existence

a whole civilization   within this  wild expanse

humans go there    to be alone    at one   at peace

        so we think

for this is  fantasy    the ideal     not real

for us

our wilderness     is filled with people

is wild with sound

                speech

          dissent

    screams

tears

    laughter

        joyous shouts

            words of love

          speech

    never with silence

for 40 years     give or take

we take what we have been given

            give back what has been taken

our life in the wilderness

alive with the sounds  speech words

creating and destroying

  people   life    worlds

     engulfing the silence

  creating a wild place of words

      filling it with cries of revolt

  it swallows up rebels

      with critical words

turning a sister’s skin white

    a chorus of complaint

filling us to bursting

words of mistrust

setting us wandering

               still

words also  soothe    praise    comfort 

our grief over

    the death of sons

        of a sister and brother

            of so many

words decree the death of a dream

the death of a leader

the birth of a new people

the start of a new journey

and yet I wish words would cease

     filling the wilderness     and my mind

     emptying me of the ability

to be still   silent  alone  at one     with you

I want a  another wilderness

one without speech   words

damnation   praise     love   hate   comfort

I do not want   I do not need   any words

I need a sanctuary   not a wild place  

but a place  where I can hear

   only you   only me one and the same

            in the stillness     the silent sounds

       the whispers of the spirit

   hovering around   within   us all 

    in the stillness of the One

this is  what I long for

what we all need

    ye most do are not aware

for they cannot hear  the whisper of your voice

they can only hear    their own words

constant cacophony   constantly striving for everything

sound and fury achieving nothing

it is only in subtle stillness we can find   everything

only in nothingness  we can find the truth

the oneness of existence

now    in this moment

I wish we would all   stop talking

exile words from our lips

allowing us to return 

to the land of silence 

the true wilderness  of the soul

where it all began   where it all continues

where we are   here    now

present in the moment   within you

in your wilderness

we are home