Parshat Naso - Beyond the Bitter Waters

The parashah/portion this Shabbat is Naso (Be'midbar/ Numbers 4:21 - 7:89 ). The parashah includes one of the most difficult and painful passages in the Torah, the ordeal of the Sotah, or suspected adulteress. According to the Torah if a man suspects his wife of adultery (not the other way around, since man could have many wives and have sexual relations with other women as long as they weren't betrothed or married to another man) he would bring her before the priest and there would be a ritual in which she would be made to drink the "bitter waters". This was a concoction consisting of water, dirt from the sanctuary floor and ink from a piece of parchment on which had been written the words of the curses that would befall the woman were she to be found guilty and which had just been read aloud to the woman and all those present. The parchment was then dipped in the solution. If the woman drank the bitter waters and nothing happened she would be declared innocent and the husband would have no recourse other than to take her back. However, if her "thigh sagged and belly distended," which many commentators interpret as not only stomach pains, but that she is rendered unable to bear children, then she is declared guilty and will be cursed among the people.

I have always found this passage to be troubling and perplexing because of its inherent misogyny and patriarchy. However, it is also troubling because I have always believed (as have others) that no woman would have ever been found guilty since the waters would probably do nothing other than make her a little nauseous. However, I think there is another way to re-read the ritual through a modern lens that almost (and I emphasize "almost") makes it seems like perhaps this was actually a way to protect and not denigrate the women involved. That was the basis for my first the poem/d'var on this passage, The Sotah's Lament.

As a man, I have also tried to imagine, through a modern lens, what her husband might have been thinking as he accused her. I was quite aware that this might be interpreted as a man's apologetic response to a clearly misogynistic text, but I still felt in my heart that the man's voice needed to be imagined as a way of trying to perhaps find some way to reconcile ourselves with the text in this particular moment in time.  It was written in another moment and one can only imagine what was in the minds and hearts of the authors at that time. I can only try to look into my own soul in this particular moment and see what response arises.

In writing this "response" I tried to give the man a voice while also realizing that he is clearly the one who has all the power in this patriarchal society, and that the woman is clearly under his control (not to mention that of the priest). Yet to reduce the man to anonymity also means that he becomes objectified (though certainly not to the same degree as the woman). Both the husband and the wife are objects of the author that were used to send a specific message at that time. Objectification of a human being, no matter what gender, is destructive.

I ask you to  read my imagined "husband's response" with an open mind and in combination with the first poem.  Read consecutively these can provide us with one writer's imagining of what might have been going on within the minds and hearts of the man and woman involved in this ordeal.
 

[note: I have written this poem in one column in order to make it easier to read on the computer screen. If you want to print it up I suggest pasting it into your word processing program and creating two or three columns.  Otherwise you will have a ream of material]

the sotah’s lament

I stand here accused

of what I do not know

of betraying him

husband-master I am his

he is not mine     never will be

I don’t want him to be

he says  I am unfaithful  I must be cursed

I am dragged to the priest

hair unloosed offering in my hand

I hear don’t hear the words the curse

ringing in my ears

I don’t comprehend

I say amen    to what     to him    to nothing

his words thoughts accusations

why am I here       of what am I accused

I think to myself what will happen

will my belly distend thigh sag

unable to bear children his children

do I care

yes no

I want my children      not his

I want freedom to choose

man woman someone

anyone    not him

I want to be left alone to live

suddenly the cup is at my lips

I am forced to drink

bitter waters dirty waters

filled with words of curse  words of hatred

filling me with the same

I know nothing will happen

I suspect the priest knows as well

the goal of this charade is to convince him

of an unreal truth

to make peace between us

between two for whom

peace is a theoretical construct      not a reality

or why would he bring me here

I wish something would happen

better to be unable to bear children

than to have to bear    him    his    both

I pray to show signs of guilt

let him cast me out send me away for all time

so I can start again          on my own

to start      to be      on my own

someday perhaps

foolish       impossible

 

in this moment   I hear the verdict

I am innocent   pure

he looks at me relief disbelief

I look at him resignation frustration depression

I must return to him with him

to his home      not really mine

to continue the charade

I am my beloved’s    my beloved is mine

foolish words       never to be a reality

perhaps a dream for the future

a true messianic era

never to be mine

 --------------------------------------------------------------

the sotah's husband

I stand alone waiting to hear

the words to be uttered from his lips

the priest silent watching waiting for nothing speaks

she is innocent pure I am in shock

this is not what I hoped to hear not what I wished for me

I was sure of what I do not know

of her guilt perhaps of my suspicions certainly

of God's justice I cannot say

was this real a dream a sham a ruse to bring us back together

us what is that I don't know

two individuals man woman joined together

by fate politics parents tradition forces outside of ourselves

I know she does not love me for I do not love her

for we do not know one another

two entities thrown together by others as always why

will it ever change

I do not know I do not care I just want something more

so I do what I am told I can do

I am the man in charge she is the woman with no control

I accuse the priest must listen

I watch trying not to feel anything

she is dragged before him hair unloosed

offering in her hand she listens hears every word

the curse is uttered

she opens her mouth drinks willingly

perhaps hoping for the same consequence

but nothing happens

she is proclaimed innocent she must return to me 

I must accept her

we must return    to live together      a farce

I did the only thing I could       I accused

she did the only thing she could         she obeyed

she had no choice        I did       I still do

I have the power to choose       yet I do not

neither of us can truly choose    of our own free will

but at least I can pretend

will any of us ever be able to truly choose

why ask foolish questions

why question what I know will not be changed

we return home husbandandwife     masterandservant

is that what God meant   by ezer k'negdo*

a helper    facing     opposite     opposing    me

a man shall leave his mother and cling to his wife

how absurd        how can I cling to a non-person

how can I cling to    anyone    anything

if only I knew then perhaps we could both be free to live

but perhaps that is too much for anyone to ask 

at least for now 

* in Genesis Chapter 2 Eve is referred to as an ezer k'negdo. Usually translated as a “help mate” it can also be translated as a helper opposite or opposing him