Better Late Than Never - Poetic Musings on the Beginning of the Book of Numbers/Be'Midbar
The
name of this past week's parashah/portion, as well as the fourth book of the Torah, which began with this reading, is
Be'midbar (Be’midbar
/Numbers 1:1 - 4:20). The name means "in the wilderness" and it can be found in the book
of .
One ancient rabbinic commentary points out that if we change one vowel in the name of the parasha, the word במדבר be’midbar, in the wilderness, it then becomes be'midabeיr, with one who is speaking.
This is somewhat ironic, as the wilderness is usually associated with silence and solitude. However, we can imagine that the wilderness of Sinai and its surroundings must have been anything but silent, with the multitude of Israelites and others wandering through it for 40 years.
Yet, we all know that even in the midst of a chaos and cacophony one can experience silence. It is just as true that one can experience unceasing noise in one's mind and soul while walking seemingly in solitude and silence. What determines the silence or the solitude is not one’s physical surroundings, but rather one’s inner spiritual state.
However, the English name of the book is Numbers. This refers to the census of adult Israelite men found at the beginning of the parashah. Judaism has long recognized the danger in reducing human beings to mere numbers, and so has always had an aversion to counting people.
One point about this census that has intrigued commentators for years is the fact that the individual numbers never seem to add up to the total that is found in the parashah.
Furthermore, in his commentary on the parashah the early Hassidic Rabbi Levi Yitzhak of Berditchev comments on the fact that the Levites are counted in a census separate from the other 11 tribes of Israel. The Levites, who serve in the Sanctuary/Mishkan, and will later serve in the Temple, have a special status. In his commentary, Levi Yitzhak reminds us that the separate census also reminds us that both Israel and Levi are within each of us. This is a concept that resonated with me as I wrote this poem about the dangers of counting, even though it’s something with which we and our society seem obsessed!.
These two poems use these two different readings and interpretations of the portion to explore possible meanings of these opening words of the book of Numbers/Be'midbar.
i. wilderness of silence and speech
the wilderness is silent still serene
filled only with sounds of nature
wind rustling sand blowing animal footfalls howls in the night
whispering the truth
a whole civilization lives within this wild place
humans may go there to be at peace alone so we think
but this is fantasy ideal not real
in truth the wilderness is filled with people
it is wild with sound with speech with dissent
with screams with tears with laughter
with joyous shouts with words of love with speech
it has never been silent for 40 years
give or take give and take
we take what we are given
give back what has been taken
a life in the wilderness alive with the sounds
the speech the words creating and destroying
people life worlds filling the silence
this is a wild place of words cries of revolt and dissent
a place which swallows up rebels
in which critical words turn a sister’s skin to white
where a chorus of complaints fills us to bursting
words of mistrust set us wandering
and still words soothe praise comfort
after the death of sons sister brother
the loss of so many
words can also decree the death of a dream
the death of a leader the birth of a new people
still I wish words would cease
filling the wilderness swirling through my mind
emptying me of the ability to be still silent alone
at one with you
I want a wilderness without speech without words
void of damnation and praise love and hate comfort and distress
I do not want I do not need words
only true silence peace clarity
I need a sanctuary not a wild place
a place where I can hear only you within me
in the stillness I am able to hear the silent sounds
the whispers of the spirit hovering around dwelling within us all
this is what I long for what we all need
unfortunately most do not know
for they cannot hear the whisper of your voice
they can only hear their own words
constant cacophony striving for everything
sound and fury achieving nothing
only in subtle stillness can we find everything the all of the universe
only in nothingness can we find the truth of existence
that all is one
in this moment I wish we would all stop talking
exile words from our lips allowing us to return home
to the silent land the true wilderness of the soul
where it all began where it all continues
where we are here now
in present in the moment alone together with you
ii. the counting
we are all here waiting to be counted
though most of us still do not understand why
when the counting it is finished, it still makes no sense
numbers never really add up as we think they will
especially with people
as we live our lives each moment
each of us is remembered each of us is forgotten.
still we continue to count each day.
should we take a recount or is once enough
after all people are not simply numbers
to be counted played with manipulated
making them say what we want
pretending they can tell us the truth.
in reality numbers mean nothing
numbers are not alive they are not the truth.
people mean something for we are alive
we are each individuals adding up to the ultimate number one.
as we count each person the sum remains the same
for there is no me you him her them
there is only one.
hearing the result of the census the people cry out in protest
each tribe claiming their truth that there are more
more dan more simeon more judah.
not realizing all of these numbers mean nothing
they are truly in the wilderness
the obsession with numbers only serves to confound
leading the people away from the truth of one
more or less these are terms our ego creates from the need to compare
they serve only to separate us to fracture the reality the unity.
wandering in this desert of numbers comparisons counting
they can only see what their hearts desire
they need to believe they are more others are less.
suddenly the levites cries out stop we are being ignored
we don't count we are not part of the whole of the people
while the other tribes still cry out in protest
wondering why they are counted as less
why the levites are counted as more special separate unique holy
if they would all stop for a moment
they would realize the truth
this counting is foolishness stupidity futility
they would recognize that we all count because none of us counts.
our egos are trying to deceive us drawing us away
from the only one that does count
even today we continue the counting our ancestors' folly
we obsess about who is in who is out who is for who against
who remains who is banished who matters who does not
who counts who does not
this obsession is the root of so much suffering
israel the ordinary ones want to be counted as levites the holy special unique
not realizing that both are within each of us
we are all holy and ordinary sacred and profane
for these are mere words our own creations
which like counting serve only to separate.
if we could stop counting and comparing even for a moment
perhaps the struggling and suffering would end
God does not want us to count or compare
for God is the one everything and nothing as are we all
for we are one with God.
counting causes the divisions which lead so many
to kill to conquer to destroy God's world and to separate the one.
letting go of the counting
leads to knowing sensing caring believing loving caring
leading us to celebrate all of life helping us realize we all belong
God is one we are one
the number without end without borders without separation,
leading us away from the wilderness of suffering to our true home
a place of love compassion caring.
this is the only reality this is the only truth that counts
some day hopefully soon we will all remember this
One ancient rabbinic commentary points out that if we change one vowel in the name of the parasha, the word במדבר be’midbar, in the wilderness, it then becomes be'midabeיr, with one who is speaking.
This is somewhat ironic, as the wilderness is usually associated with silence and solitude. However, we can imagine that the wilderness of Sinai and its surroundings must have been anything but silent, with the multitude of Israelites and others wandering through it for 40 years.
Yet, we all know that even in the midst of a chaos and cacophony one can experience silence. It is just as true that one can experience unceasing noise in one's mind and soul while walking seemingly in solitude and silence. What determines the silence or the solitude is not one’s physical surroundings, but rather one’s inner spiritual state.
However, the English name of the book is Numbers. This refers to the census of adult Israelite men found at the beginning of the parashah. Judaism has long recognized the danger in reducing human beings to mere numbers, and so has always had an aversion to counting people.
One point about this census that has intrigued commentators for years is the fact that the individual numbers never seem to add up to the total that is found in the parashah.
Furthermore, in his commentary on the parashah the early Hassidic Rabbi Levi Yitzhak of Berditchev comments on the fact that the Levites are counted in a census separate from the other 11 tribes of Israel. The Levites, who serve in the Sanctuary/Mishkan, and will later serve in the Temple, have a special status. In his commentary, Levi Yitzhak reminds us that the separate census also reminds us that both Israel and Levi are within each of us. This is a concept that resonated with me as I wrote this poem about the dangers of counting, even though it’s something with which we and our society seem obsessed!.
These two poems use these two different readings and interpretations of the portion to explore possible meanings of these opening words of the book of Numbers/Be'midbar.
i. wilderness of silence and speech
the wilderness is silent still serene
filled only with sounds of nature
wind rustling sand blowing animal footfalls howls in the night
whispering the truth
a whole civilization lives within this wild place
humans may go there to be at peace alone so we think
but this is fantasy ideal not real
in truth the wilderness is filled with people
it is wild with sound with speech with dissent
with screams with tears with laughter
with joyous shouts with words of love with speech
it has never been silent for 40 years
give or take give and take
we take what we are given
give back what has been taken
a life in the wilderness alive with the sounds
the speech the words creating and destroying
people life worlds filling the silence
this is a wild place of words cries of revolt and dissent
a place which swallows up rebels
in which critical words turn a sister’s skin to white
where a chorus of complaints fills us to bursting
words of mistrust set us wandering
and still words soothe praise comfort
after the death of sons sister brother
the loss of so many
words can also decree the death of a dream
the death of a leader the birth of a new people
still I wish words would cease
filling the wilderness swirling through my mind
emptying me of the ability to be still silent alone
at one with you
I want a wilderness without speech without words
void of damnation and praise love and hate comfort and distress
I do not want I do not need words
only true silence peace clarity
I need a sanctuary not a wild place
a place where I can hear only you within me
in the stillness I am able to hear the silent sounds
the whispers of the spirit hovering around dwelling within us all
this is what I long for what we all need
unfortunately most do not know
for they cannot hear the whisper of your voice
they can only hear their own words
constant cacophony striving for everything
sound and fury achieving nothing
only in subtle stillness can we find everything the all of the universe
only in nothingness can we find the truth of existence
that all is one
in this moment I wish we would all stop talking
exile words from our lips allowing us to return home
to the silent land the true wilderness of the soul
where it all began where it all continues
where we are here now
in present in the moment alone together with you
ii. the counting
we are all here waiting to be counted
though most of us still do not understand why
when the counting it is finished, it still makes no sense
numbers never really add up as we think they will
especially with people
as we live our lives each moment
each of us is remembered each of us is forgotten.
still we continue to count each day.
should we take a recount or is once enough
after all people are not simply numbers
to be counted played with manipulated
making them say what we want
pretending they can tell us the truth.
in reality numbers mean nothing
numbers are not alive they are not the truth.
people mean something for we are alive
we are each individuals adding up to the ultimate number one.
as we count each person the sum remains the same
for there is no me you him her them
there is only one.
hearing the result of the census the people cry out in protest
each tribe claiming their truth that there are more
more dan more simeon more judah.
not realizing all of these numbers mean nothing
they are truly in the wilderness
the obsession with numbers only serves to confound
leading the people away from the truth of one
more or less these are terms our ego creates from the need to compare
they serve only to separate us to fracture the reality the unity.
wandering in this desert of numbers comparisons counting
they can only see what their hearts desire
they need to believe they are more others are less.
suddenly the levites cries out stop we are being ignored
we don't count we are not part of the whole of the people
while the other tribes still cry out in protest
wondering why they are counted as less
why the levites are counted as more special separate unique holy
if they would all stop for a moment
they would realize the truth
this counting is foolishness stupidity futility
they would recognize that we all count because none of us counts.
our egos are trying to deceive us drawing us away
from the only one that does count
even today we continue the counting our ancestors' folly
we obsess about who is in who is out who is for who against
who remains who is banished who matters who does not
who counts who does not
this obsession is the root of so much suffering
israel the ordinary ones want to be counted as levites the holy special unique
not realizing that both are within each of us
we are all holy and ordinary sacred and profane
for these are mere words our own creations
which like counting serve only to separate.
if we could stop counting and comparing even for a moment
perhaps the struggling and suffering would end
God does not want us to count or compare
for God is the one everything and nothing as are we all
for we are one with God.
counting causes the divisions which lead so many
to kill to conquer to destroy God's world and to separate the one.
letting go of the counting
leads to knowing sensing caring believing loving caring
leading us to celebrate all of life helping us realize we all belong
God is one we are one
the number without end without borders without separation,
leading us away from the wilderness of suffering to our true home
a place of love compassion caring.
this is the only reality this is the only truth that counts
some day hopefully soon we will all remember this
Comments