Parshat Bamidbar: Wandering in the Wilderness

Bamidbar 5780

This week we begin reading Bamidbar/Numbers, the next book of the Torah, with Parshat Bamidbar (Numbers 1:1-4:20). In this parashah/portion, God instructs Moses to conduct a census of all the Israelite men over the age of 20. Moses takes up a second census to count all of the Levite men. God then gives specific instructions to the Levites about their roles in the constructing and caring for the Tent of Meeting

The name Bamidbar means “in the wilderness,” which is where all of the events the exodus through the end of Deuteronomy take place in the wilderness. Through the centuries, various rabbis and scholars have pondered why God didn’t give the Torah in the land of Canaan. Why didn’t the people spend 40 years on their journey?

Of course, we know that the 40 years is ultimately a punishment for the people believing in the negative reports of the 10 spies who scouted out the land and ignoring the positive reports of the other two (see Parshah Shelach). However, putting that aside, what meaning and purpose can be found in the wilderness journey?

Rabbi Akiba believed that the suffering and pain that the people were to go through in the harsh wilderness “allowed them to merit the priceless gift of Torah.” (Babylonian Talmud, Sanhedrin 101a) Rabbi Harvey J. Fields suggests that perhaps this is alluding to the belief that the reward for  experiencing pain and suffering is a greater sense of compassion and empathy, which are essential qualities for becoming a people or nation.

Modern British interpreter Rabbi M Miller stated that the wilderness was the perfect place for the people to receive that Torah (and ultimately become a nation) because “the Torah is given to those who make themselves as a wilderness, who purge themselves of impure influences and desires, of all aspirations and interests that are incompatible with the spirit of Torah.” These influences include selfishness, coveting others possessions, impatience, cruelty to others, and prejudices which blind us to new ideas and cripple us with dangerous habits (Shabbat Shiurim, 5729, pp. 215-221).

Finally, Rabbi Morris Adler believed that the wilderness was meant to remind the people that “there is no human condition...so dark [or difficult] that it can completely shut out God…[for sometimes] God speaks most clearly in the wilderness” where people are in difficult and painful situations (The Voice Still Speaks, New York, 1969pp. 265-269). Adler wrote that we should each listen for God’s voice in whatever our particular wilderness at any given moment.

Right now we are living in a kind of wilderness, even if we are living in our homes and in our cities and towns. After all, though we may be surrounded by familiar places or people, the fact is that everything has changed so drastically in the last two months and that the future is so uncertain. This makes it feel like we are living in an uncharted wilderness. If s0, then what can these commentaries teach us about our wilderness?

In terms of R. Akiba’s teaching, I have never been one to believe that we are given suffering in order to “receive the gift” of learning something, even if what we learn is how to be more compassionate and caring. However, I do believe that it is possible to find meaning in our wilderness, even in the midst of pain, discomfort, and difficulty. 

As Miller wrote, we must make our minds like a wilderness. We must do our best to empty ourselves of petty and harmful emotions. We must open ourselves to new ways of acting and thinking that are beneficial to everyone and not just to ourselves. The first step of doing this is simply paying attention and acknowledging our fears, our insecurities, our petty quarrels and harmful feelings. Once we acknowledge them we can also acknowledge that we do not need to hold on to them. Rather, we can replace them with love, compassion, caring for others, and joy. These are all feelings we can possess and actions that we can take even as we are also feeling discomfort, uncertainty, and even fear. They are also what enable us to think beyond ourselves and connect with others. In short, these practices make us ready, in Adler’s terms, to hear the voice of God even in the midst of chaos, uncertainty, and pain. We can hear God even as we wander through our own harsh, empty, and often scary, wilderness.

But what is God’s voice? For me it is the voice of humanity at its best. It is us when we remember that we were created b’tzelem elohim, in God’s image. It is when we remember that we are all meant to be holy. God’s voice is the voice calling us to work together as a community, a country, and a world. It is a voice which calls on us to acknowledge the suffering of everyone and everything. It also reminds us that there are others who are suffering even more than we are. Then it is calling us to reach out to others as best we can.

The voice of God is the voice which tells us that this is not about me. It is not about you. It is about us. It is the voice which tells us that we must forgo some of our comforts in order to make the world better for others. It is the voice that tells us we must make sacrifices, and even do things of which we are not particularly fond, in order to make things better for all. This is not about giving up our “inalienable rights.” Rather, it is about giving up our privileges, at least for now. It is about letting go of any sense of entitlement in order to help our world to slowly make its way out of the wilderness.

Towards the end of the 40-year wilderness journey Moses tells the people that God has put before them “ life and death, blessings and curses. Therefore,  choose life, so that you and your children may live.” (Deuteronomy 30:19)

We can view being in the wilderness as a blessing, a curse, or both. This depends on how we view each moment. The objective truth of the moment is that people are sick and dying, perhaps even us or our loved ones. And yet, we need to find a way to be present and hear the voice of God even in these most difficult of moments. 

We are all well aware of the literal difference between physical life and death; we are all aware of how many lives have been and will be lost due to this pandemic. It is scary. It is sad. However, all of us can also determine whether we are spiritually alive or dead through how we live our lives and how we view each moment.

Even in the wilderness of Covid-19 we can make choices to find blessings and to truly live our lives. We can also see only the curses and exist as spiritually dead. The choice is up to us.

I am not naive. I don’t think this is easy. And sometimes it may not be possible. However, life is not easy; this is especially true right now. That is why we need to walk through this wilderness together, even when alone. We must help each other listen for God’s voice. 

Let us do our best in each moment to hear the call for compassion. The call of sacrifice. The call of justice. The call of love. And let the voice and its messages lead us through and eventually out of the wilderness. 

We may not know where we will end up, but at least we will arrive there together and prepare to take our next steps into the unknown.

Shabbat Shalom.