Personal Commentary: Proudly Jewish. Proudly Gay. Reluctantly White
Proudly Jewish. Proudly Gay. Reluctantly White.
For as long as I can remember, being Jewish has been my primary identity. Whether I was at home, in synagogue, or in settings where most of the people around me were Christian, this was always true. I was, am, and will always be a member of the Jewish people. It’s a forever kind of thing.
Up until I officially “came out” in my early 40s, I would not have considered being Gay or Queer as a primary identity. After all, it was something which I wanted to hide. And yet, once I exited the closet, I became an active and proud member of the LGBTQ community in general, and specifically the Jewish LGBTQ community.
But why am I reluctant about being White? As a child growing up in Scranton, PA, I never thought about it. All my friends were White and you could count the number of non-White students in my High School on two hands. One hand would have probably sufficed in Elementary school or Junior High. I suppose I saw myself as White because, well, what else could I be? And, let’s face it, I received all the privileges that came along with being White. This included the luxury to claim that I wasn’t White if I didn’t feel like I was, which is what I came to realize as I matured!
As I grew into adulthood I came to clearly identify myself as Jewish. And Gay. Period. I’m not sure when I realized this, but the reason was clear. In my mind, White was equated with White Christian—I was not part of the Christian majority, therefore, I wasn’t truly White. I remember being told by my parents that if you scratch deep enough beneath the surface of most (maybe all?) Christians you will find an Anti-semite. I always challenged them about this. However, since they grew up in a time when Jews could not join certain communal organizations, enter restricted venues, or pledge non-Jewish fraternities or sororities, this was their worldview. Of course, living through World War II and losing so many relatives in the Holocaust only exacerbated those feelings.
Yet even 20 or 30 years after the end of the War and the Holocaust, even after the clubs and organizations were no longer restricted, that sense of being “other” was strong. They had non-Jewish business friends and acquaintances, but all of their true friends were Jewish. I implicitly learned that being White was not an important part of my identity; being Jewish was what really mattered.
Not seeing ourselves as White is not a new phenomenon for Jews. After all, for years neither Jews nor other immigrants were seen as White by society. We were considered to be a different race. Which, we are not. We are a people. It wasn’t until the mid-twentieth century that this began to change, as Jews became more successful and well-educated and, in spite of restrictions and quotas in the education system, began to be “accepted” as White.**
Not considering myself to be White is not about skin color per se. It is about my inner sense of identity and belonging. This leads me to the issues which prompted me to write this article: White privilege and White supremacy. After all, if I don’t see myself as White, how can I benefit from White privilege or in any way support White supremacy?
Following the events in Charlottesville in 2017 I wrote a blog post which addressed the fact that Jews were targeted by White supremacists together with Blacks and other “minority groups” while at the same time, because most of us present as White, we are part of the problem. Then, as now, I know that I benefit from White privilege regardless of how I identify. However, as an African American friend reminded me, this particular conversation has nothing to do with the fact that Jews or the LGBTQ community are targeted by White extremists and other hate groups. It has to do with what it means to be seen as White by others.
Because of this reality, I am not pulled over for driving in the “wrong neighborhood,” nor am I followed by security guards in a department store because I look “suspicious. ” As someone perceived to be a White man, I am not ignored, spoken over, or unseen by others in the room. I don’t have the elevator door shut in my face because others are scared of me, nor do others cross the street when they see me walking towards them. People don’t challenge my right to be swimming in a pool, watching birds in the park, or walking in my own neighborhood; they don't assume in a restaurant, hotel, or other public space that I am a server or janitor; my job application would not be ignored because of the sound of my name. (See this powerful video for an example of what Black Americans have to face and this article to understand how this would be different if I were a Jew of Color)
Perhaps most powerful and frightening of all: As a parent, I never needed to have “the Talk” with my children, especially my son, about how to act if they are stopped by police. I have never needed to worry when my children are out at night (or even in the day, as we’ve seen) whether they might get profiled, pulled over, accused, arrested, or even killed because of the color of their skin.
That is White privilege. It has nothing to do with socio-economic status or how one is raised. It is simply based on skin color.
Historically, our government—our unfair system of policing and incarceration, real estate restrictions, inequitable property taxes, and employment regulations—has benefited White Americans over Black Americans and other People of Color. This is still true today. That is what I mean by White supremacy. I am not talking about dangerous White supremacist groups, such as the KKK. I am referring to the fact our country was not created on the belief that all people are created equal, but on the idea that White people, especially White men, reigned “supreme.” And so, once considered White, my ancestors were allowed to achieve new status, even as Anti-Judaism continued. The descendants of enslaved Africans who were here decades or centuries longer have not achieved that level of communal acceptance, nor have indigenous people and other People of Color.
I have always thought that acceptance of Jews as White was something that just occurred over time. However, as my friend pointed out, allowing members of previously “non-White” minority groups to “become White” simply ensured that White America would gain more power in order to maintain the racist system of oppression and continue to subdue the descendants of enslaved Africans.
I could claim that, as a Jew whose ancestors arrived here between 1890 - 1915, I bear no guilt for our national sin of slavery or the creation of systemic racism. However, in the words of Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, “in a free society, some are guilty, but all are responsible.” For although my ancestors may not bear direct guilt, I still bear responsibility for either maintaining or dismantling the system as someone who has been “accepted as White.”
I also feel similarly as a Gay man. I know that Anti-Jewish and Homophobic rhetoric and violence are both very real today and on the rise. Yet, I also know that unless I am wearing my kippah/yarmulke on my head there is no way when walking down the street people will know that I’m Jewish. Nor will they know I’m Gay unless I am holding a man’s hand. People will simply assume that I am White, Christian, and Straight.
And though there was a time one could have been arrested for being Gay or Transgender in America (and still can be elsewhere), and Jews were restricted from certain activities, the entire structure of our system was not created to oppress us the way it was created to oppress Black people. However, it’s important to note that systemic racism also rears its ugly head in the LGBTQ world—homophobia and transphobia, including violence and murders, disproportionately affect LGBTQ People of Color.
I am proudly Jewish, proudly Gay and reluctantly White for a simple reason. I am proud to be Jewish and Gay, even though both groups are traditionally oppressed, because we have faced prejudice and persecution. We have risen up and we continue to prevail even in the face of continued hatred and violence.
However, I am not proud to be considered part of the White establishment. I have no pride in being "accepted" as part of the people that have built our unjust system and created racism. I have no pride in the fact that I can “pass” and not have to worry about the types of prejudice and hatred mentioned above simply because of the whiteness of my skin. In fact, there is a degree of shame attached to all of that.
Yet, it doesn’t matter what I perceive myself to be. It doesn’t matter how proudly I embrace being Jewish and Gay or how reluctantly I accept being seen as White. What is important to remember is the responsibility I have to fight against what is wrong with our society, because of White privilege and White supremacy and how I am seen.
It is my responsibility alone to learn as much as I can about the insidious effects of racism as well as White privilege and White Supremacy. It is not the responsibility of Black people to teach me this. It is also my responsibility to help others who identify as or are seen as White to understand this reality. Once I do that, we need to work together with Black Americans and all People of Color to break down the system and then rebuild it from the ground up. Only then can we all truly dwell in one nation under God. Only then can all of us realize the eternal Truth that every human being is created in the image of God. Only then will everyone in our country truly treat one another with equity, compassion, and justice for all. Only then will America truly be great.
** I am well aware that not all Jews are seen as White. Between 12-20% of the American Jewish population identifies as People of Color. However, as this is a personal reflection, I am speaking as an Ashkenazi (Eastern European) American Jew. I also know that Sephardic Jews whose families came from Spain and North Africa, or Jews from the Arab world (Mizrahi) have a different experience. I don't have the experience nor the right to speak about for any of these groups.
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