Parshat Chayei Sarah: Receiving Our Mothers' Blessings

This week’s parashah/portion is Hayei Sarah, or the life of Sarah. It begins by telling the reader that Sarah dies at the age of 127. Abraham searches for a place to bury her and settles on the cave of Machpelah outside of Hebron. Isaac is in deep mourning for his mother, so Abraham sends his servant back to his homeland to find a wife for Isaac from among his kin. The servant meets Rebecca, Abraham’s niece, at a well, where she provides water for him and his camels. The servant tells Rebecca who he is and why is there. Sarah tells her father Bethuel and brother Laban that she is ready and willing to return to Abraham’s tent with the servant and to marry her cousin Isaac. Upon their return, Isaac and Rebecca meet. He then takes her to his mother’s tent, they marry, he loved her and found comfort with her after Sarah’s death.

Sarah, after whom the parashah is named, and Rebecca oare really at the spiritual core of this story. This is true in spite of the fact that it is the men who technically have the power in this patriarchal society.

When Abraham’s servant arrives in Aram-naharayim, he prays to God for a woman to arrive who will offer water to his camel and to him. He wants someone with a caring soul. When Rebecca sees him she first offers him water and then offers to water his camels. In this way, she actually goes a step further than his prayer, as he had prayed for someone who first would offer water to the camels. Finally, when she takes the servant to her father and brother they ask her if she wants to return with him to Isaac. In this patriarchal world she is still granted some agency. She states that she will leave and marry her cousin (her agency, unfortunately, is limited, and so they return together.

When Rebecca arrives at Abraham’s camp, Isaac takes her into his mother’s tent where she comforts him. This essential part of the story. According to Rashi (12th century France), Sarah’s tent had always been open to visitors and the light of God shown above. Upon Sarah’s death, the light of God disappeared and her tent was closed. When Isaac took Rebecca into the tent it was once again open to all and the light of God reappeared.

In so much of the Torah, and in ancient society, women were valued for their ability to procreate,for the beauty, or for the dowry they might bring with them. Though procreation does play a major role in the narrative of Rebecca, that is not the emphasis in this week’s parashah. Rather, it is Rebecca’s desire to care for others and her ability to comfort Isaac that matter. She is ready to continue the tradition of caring and hospitality that was so much a part of Sarah’s personality as well, according to the Torah and commentaries.

However, one might think that Rebecca was chosen because of her physical beauty. After all, she is first described to the reader as tovat mareh. This usually translates as beautiful in appearance. However, it can also refer to her inner beauty, as some of the classical commentaries mention. This might be seen as a stretch if it were not for the fact that most of what we know about Rebecca is that she is kind, compassionate, and caring It is those inner qualities that make her not only a fitting wife for Isaac, but a fitting successor to Sarah and matriarch for what is to become the Jewish people. In that way, she is not only a role model for women, but a role model for us all.

If it were not for her compassion Isaac might have stayed in mourning and the story might have ended there. It would be as if he had been born and then saved from being sacrificed for naught. So, in truth, Rebecca is Isaac’s savior, and ours. 

It is said that Isaac exists simply as a conduit from Abraham to Jacob. For it is Jacob who becomes Israel, the father of the 12 tribes with Rachel, Leah, Bilhah and Zilpah. However, this is an oversimplification of Isaac’s role. But in addition, none of this would have happened without Rebecca.

And so we must see Rebecca as not only our matriarch, but our role model. Her ability to show compassion and to care for others is what we should emulate in our lives. Yes, this will be balanced with her steely determination, and even some manipulative and questionable behavior in the future (none of the matriarchs or patriarchs is perfect!). But what Abraham’s servant and Isaac both saw in her was her inner self.

Right now we are at a time when the qualities of Rebecca are sorely needed in our world. We need to care for others and not just ourselves. We need to have compassion for others. 

As with Sarah’s tent, so many in our world have closed the doors to others unlike themselves. Not only is there no longer a big tent, there is no tent at all. Or, at least it is closed off. And so the light of God has been extinguished for so many.

Instead of focusing on people who are beautiful on the inside, so many people look at people and judge them based on their external appearance, whether that is their skin color, their gender, or their apparent wealth. These people are not trying to bring beauty into the world through caring and compassion. Rather, they bring hatred and ugliness into the world through their actions in judging others.

This is the struggle we are facing in America and elsewhere. We need to not only find our own inner beauty, but we need to choose leaders who possess that beauty as well. We need to ask ourselves, what would our leaders do if they were Rebecca at the well? Would they help a stranger without asking or would they turn their backs on them and walk away. Or even force the stranger to flee from whence they came.

And if they somehow made it to Abraham’s tent by hiding who they really are, would the spirit of God and the spirit of Sarah return to the tent? Would the light of God shine above welcoming all or would the tent remain shut? Would the light of God remain dark? Or perhaps would it ignite and burn the tent to the ground rather than letting them in.

We must choose the right leaders, as well as act in the right ways ourselves. Let us hope that those who don’t do so eventually become enlightened so they can see that there is beauty within us all and may they see where their own beauty is lacking.

For only if all of our eyes are open, only if we are all able to see the truth and the beauty in everyone, will the light of God shine for us, will the tent of Sarah open itself to us, and will the world become a place that will receive Sarah and Rebecca’s blessing.