Parshat Vayishlakh: Showing Mercy....if when we don't want to!

This week’s parashah/portion is Vayishlach (Bereshit/Genesis 32:4-36:43). It contains within three important central events in the narrative of the patriarchs and matriarchs of Bereshit/Genesis. First, Jacob prepares to reunite with his brother Esau decades after he had stolen his blessing and his birthright. The night before the reunion Jacob wrestles with a man/angel. At sunrise, before, before leaving Jacob, he blesses him and gives him the name Israel, meaning one who has struggled with the divine.

Not long after this we read the disturbing incident of the rape of Dinah, Jacob’s only daughter. She is raped by Shechem, the regional prince,  who then asks to marry her, because he supposedly loves her.  Jacob and his sons agree to this on the condition that Shechem and all the men of his community agree to be circumcised. While they are recovering, her brothers Shimon and Levi lead an attack and slaughter Shechem and all the men of his community. They do so supposedly in defense of their sister. But in saying “we cannot allow our sister to be treated as a whore" it is clear that their real reason is because they feel as if they have been disrespected because of the treatment of Dinah. Dinah’s welfare does not appear to be their concern. Dinah is never heard from or mentioned again in the Torah.

Finally, Jacob’s beloved wife Rachel dies in childbirth on the road to Bethlehem. Before she dies she names her second son Ben-Oni, the son of my suffering. Jacob changes his name to “Ben-yamin” (Benjamin), meaning the “son of my right (hand),” or “the son of my good fortune or power.”

When I have written about this parashah in the past I have always focused on Jacob wresting with the angel, the reunion of Jacob and Esau, or the Rape of Dinah. Yet, in reading Rabbi Shai Held commentary in the collection The Heart of Torah, I was drawn to the death of Rachel.

In his commentary we are reminded that Rachel, though the favored wife of Jacob, was the one who was unable to bear children. Her sister Leah, and their handmaids Bilhah and Ziplah were the ones able to conceive. Rachel pleaded with God to let her die if she could not have sons (not just children, but sons). Finally she is granted a son, whom she names Yosef/Joseph; his name is basically a plea to God to give her another son. One is not enough. When she finally is granted another son she dies and is buried in Ramah, on the road Bethlehem. She is the only matriarch or patriarch not to be buried in Hebron in the cave of the Machpelah. 

According to tradition, it is her plea for mercy to God when the Israelites walk past her tomb on their way to exile in Babylon which causes God to have compassion, even though the patriarchs had also pleaded with God. Thanks to Rachel’s cries, God promises that they will eventually return to the land.

According to a midrash, it is also Rachel who saves the Israelite king Manasseh when he places an idol in the Bet HaMikdash/Holy Temple in Jerusalem. In this midrash once again the patriarchs and Moses plead with God on the king’s behalf. However, it was Rachel’s unique plea which brought forth God’s compassion. Rachel reminds God that, after Jacob had worked for her father for seven years in order to marry her, Laban tricked Jacob by placing the veil on Leah so she would actually marry Jacob. Jacob then  agreed to work for him for another seven years in order to marry his true beloved, Rachel. In her plea to God she makes the case that, even when she was the victim of her father’s actions she did not act out of jealousy or envy towards her sister. Instead, according to the midrash, she actually teaches Leah the special sign that she and Jacob agreed upon in order to convince Jacob that it was indeed Rachel beneath the veil. 

If she could show compassion towards her sister when her beloved Jacob married her, why couldn’t God be compassionate towards Manassesh even though he placed “another god” instead of the one God in the Temple. Especially when God was well aware that this wasn’t a real “god” anyway. As Rabbi Held put it “Rachel does more than behave compassionately towards someone who finds herself in a vulnerable situation (Leah). She musters empathy and mercy even in a situation where her own needs and desires are at stake….a moment when it would make sense for self-assertion to crowd out the possibility of compassion.” If Rachel, a mere human could show such compassion, why couldn’t God?

This text, as well as  the text in  Jeremiah which states that it was the cry of Rachel heard in heaven when the Israelites were being exiled could be linked to the traditionally feminine quality of mercy. After all, the Hebrew word for mercy, rachamim, is derived from the same root as the word for womb, rechem. And so mercy is seen as a maternal, or feminine quality. Yet, Rabbi Held also reminds us of another instance where mercy which has nothing to do with the feminine or female nature of compassion. 

There is Talmudic tale in which there is a terrible drought in the land of Israel. R. Tanhuma pleads with God to end the drought. He tells the people that if they act with compassion God will surely answer their prayers. Following this the people begin to give tzedakah/charity to “their poor.” However, one man is seen giving money to his ex-wife. The people complain to R. Tanhuma because they believe that he must be paying her for sex (a discussion for another time). R. Tanhuma brings the man before him and the man explains that he could see what difficult straits his ex-wife was in. Therefore, even though he was not required to provide her any financial help, he did so. As Held says, he was able to truly see the suffering of someone who he could have seen as an enemy, where the people only thought the worst because they thought they knew what they were seeing.

According to the story, when R. Tanhuma calls on the man’s compassionate actions when praying to G0d the heavens open up and the rain pours down. This was precisely when the man acted from a place of true compassion and mercy, whereas the other people were simply giving tzedakah because of obligation not because of any true sense of compassion. 

The power of human compassion and mercy to affect God was clear to the rabbis. As it was written in Babylonian Talmud (Shabbat 115b), “when one show mercy to others, mercy is shown to them by heaven.”

In reviewing the entire parashah, when Esau and Jacob reunite Esau forgives Jacob having tricked him all those years earlier there was no real sign of mercy or compassion. There was forgiveness, but, it was in name only. After all, they end up leaving separately and never see one another again. 

In the case of Dinah’s rape, the brothers imply that they are acting out of compassion for their sister. Yet, in reality, their words and actions show  they are acting out because they feel that they and their family have been disrespected and they desire revenge. They certainly show no mercy or compassion for Dinah in deed or word. And, just as with Jacob and Esau, Dinah and her brothers never see each other again.

It is only Rachel who is portrayed in her life as showing true mercy. She has shown compassion to her sister when it would have been much easier, and understandable if she were to seek revenge, or certainly not to show compassion. This enabled her to plead on behalf of the people numerous times and to still be viewed as a source of mercy who can affect God in our tradition.

We live in a time when true mercy and compassion are often difficult to find and to show. Yet, we need to try and find our own ability to show mercy and compassion. It is so easy towards others, even when they might not show it towards us. It is important to treat others as human beings created in the image of God even if they do not see us that way.

I am not saying that it is easy to bring compassion to our world. I certainly have had a difficult time doing it on many occasions in recent years. It might be easy for us to give lip service or to show perfunctory care for others, as did the people who gave tzedakah to “their poor.” It might not be so difficult for us to show charity towards the poor and needy, or to those who are the victims of violence and prejudice, simply by saying a few words or giving a few dollars. And certainly that is better than nothing.

No, it may not be easy. It’s often far from that. Yet, it was not easy for Rachel either and still she was able to find mercy and compassion in her heart. So too in the case of the man who gave money to his ex-wife. Like them we must find the ability to truly look into the eyes of those whom we might see as other, or even as an adversary, and instead see their humanity and their need for compassion. 

As I wrote above, this is still a struggle for me at times. I’m still often stuck in a place of anger and even hatred when I look at certain people whom I believe have also looked at me with anger or hatred. Often I am sure that they are unable to see my humanity, or the humanity of anyone they see as “different,” so why should I try to see theirs?  

Still, in spite, or perhaps because of, it all we must do the hard work if trying to treat others with compassion. We must hear the voice of Rachel crying within us and we must care for others. That is one of the lessons from this week’s parashah. It’s not an easy one to learn or to truly put into practice. But we can do our best to try one person and one day at a time. That is the only way that we will eventually be able to create a world of compassion, mercy and understanding.

After all, as Rabbi Hillel wrote more than 2000 years ago, “If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now, when?” It’s easy to view this quote as overused. And yet, it’s used so frequently because it is still an essential truth today, as it was then,

Now is the time to not only care for ourselves, but to care for others. This is not contingent on how they treat us. It is simply what we must do. It is how healing can begin.

Shabbat Shalom.